Dear Mr Plumber

Dear Mr Plumber,

You have been to our house four times now. One would think so many call outs were for various problems. But no. The same problem is occurring and I’m sure we’re both getting quite tired of you coming to “fix” the problem.

The running toilet began earlier this year, in the ensuite of Boyfie and I’s bedroom. We could hear a running noise, like the toilet was trying to refill but couldn’t. Closer inspection found that the water was in fact running into the bowl. We turned the tap off and the next day phoned the Real Estate to request a plumber.

Then you appeared at our doorstep a few mornings later (someone apparently let you in- we certainly didn’t buzz you in) and Boyfie led you to the problem. Not knowing much about plumbing or toilets myself, Boyfie was the one to handle this problem.

After fiddling around and Boyfie pointing things out, you told us a part would need replaced. You said you would have to go to a store to see if they have any and you would update us in the afternoon. We waited all day. At around five o’clock, Boyfie called you to see whether you were coming back. “Oh,” you said, “yes, I’ve had to send away for the part and it won’t be here until next week.” Boyfie and I stared at each other as doubts formed in our minds.

A week went by, Mr Plumber, and still no word. Eventually you showed up again with the new part, installed it and all was well. We used the toilet and there were no more running noises.

Or so we thought.

The next day, I went into our bedroom and do you know what I heard, Mr Plumber? The answer may shock you. What I heard, Mr Plumber, was the sound of a running toilet. I yelled for Boyfie, who came and had a look. He lifted the lid of the cistern and the noise stopped. He put it back down and the noise started again and we noticed water running into the bowl. He lifted the lid again, Mr Plumber, and sure enough, the noise stopped. Sighing, we turned the tap off and went about our day.

Sometime later we contacted the Real Estate- admittedly, we shouldn’t have left it for so long, but there other things going on and a running toilet was the least of our problems. So yet again, Mr Plumber, you were called to our residence.

And for some reason, Mr Plumber, you called Boyfie to arrange a time and said that eight o’clock on a Sunday morning was the only time you could fit us in, unless we wanted to wait another two weeks while you went on holiday. For some reason or other, you could not fit us in later in the day. Now, Mr Plumber, I’m not sure if you know this, but Sunday’s are designated Lazy Days. We sleep in, we take our time doing things and have a thoroughly Lazy Sunday. Some people go out for breakfast, or lunch. Or even just a leisurely stroll if the weather is nice. And you, Mr Plumber, disrupted that Lazy Sunday, forever cementing your position in my Burn Book.

So eight o’clock on a Sunday morning arrived with you as a part of it, and rather than comfortably snooze, I was disturbed from my blissful slumber. I decided to avoid you entirely and take Max for his walk. I returned from the walk, only ten minutes, to find you still in our bathroom and pieces of toilet all over my bathroom floor.

After you left, Boyfie informed me that you took apart, replaced, took apart and replaced my toilet a grand total of three times. Not only that but Boyfie had to assist you at times. We thought to ourselves, surely this is it? Surely, now, after three call-outs, Mr Plumber, our toilet would be fixed?

Not a chance!

On top of the running water, we now had an additional problem- can you believe it? After rearranging the inner workings of the toilet three times the cistern lid would now not sit properly! When sitting on the cistern, it was pressing onto a piece that kept trying to flush the toilet. I tell you, Mr Plumber, I almost cried.

I wanted to use my ensuite for it’s intended purpose. To be able to use the toilet without leaving the comfort of my room. Without having to find my way in a perilously dark hallway at night time. We have been in this property for four months now, Mr Plumber, and I have only had the luxury of the ensuite toilet for one of them.

Accordingly, we sent an email to the Real Estate, detailing that we were unhappy with your services and requested a different plumber. Full offense, Mr Plumber, but you are a poor one.

We get a reply from the Real Estate and they tell us that you have already been paid for the job and so you are the one who has to come out again. And that generally, you’re quite good. But, if the toilet was still not fixed after this time, then they would look into getting someone else.

Two days ago, Mr Plumber, you returned to our premises. You did something to the toilet and it was fine. You lamented having to come out again when you’d already been paid, it was an inconvenience. Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Mr Plumber, an inconvenience for you? What about us!

I went in afterwards and could not believe the sound I was hearing.

Four times, Mr Plumber. Four. Times. My toilet is still running!

Far be it from me to tell you how to do your job, Mr Plumber. I know as much about toilets as I do something very complicated. But, had you done your job properly the first time, then we would all be happy! I don’t know if the part you replaced is too big (it seems that way), I don’t know if something hasn’t been put back correctly, I don’t know if the guts or the whole damn toilet needs replaced, but you know who I trust to know? A plumber!

I can only wonder, Mr Plumber, how the Real Estate can say you’re generally good. Perhaps your better with blocked pipes, or leaky taps and toilets are something you don’t normally deal with. I don’t know. But if you don’t know what’s wrong with our toilet, can you please just say so? Please stop just fiddling with things and hoping for the best- if we wanted that, I could do that! I’m not mechanically minded at all, but I know I can fiddle with things and not fix them.

I hope, Mister Plumber, that if we have any other plumbing problems, we don’t have to see you again.


Severely Disgruntled Customers

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