Greetings! Welcome to post number two. The second post.
In my last post, I talked about the move from Sydney to FNQ and how the doggos, Max and Panda, interacted with each other upon first meeting (a true love story). For today… well, I bring you thoughts on that dreaded “C” word… commitment.
You see, I actually had another blog that I started when I first moved to Sydney. Not knowing anyone and staying in a hostel until I found a place to live, I was quite lonely. The others staying at the hostel were all international and were there for a Good Time. I didn’t feel particularly in the mood to socialise with these noisy, drunken backpackers. As it happened, I did make two friends, mutual friends from Darwin who I had never met before but somehow was friends on Facebook with one of them. I’m still friends with them today (and if you’re reading this, you two awesome people were so fun to hang out with and made my coming to Sydney that bit easier).
Anyway. I started a blog as a means of documenting my stay and expressing my goings on- being at the mercy of the real estate gods was a key topic. I kept that up until I found permanent accommodation. Then the blog faded and I eventually forgot about it. Two or three times since, I have opened up WordPress or Tumblr to start a new blog, in a fit of inspirational life changing-ness. I make a user name, connect my email address, choose a display picture and even go so far as to make a theme. Only to close it and go to bed and forget about the whole thing.
In all my 24 years, I do not believe I have ever committed to anything. Boyfie is the longest commitment I’ve ever had ( a happy 19 months thank you). The closest I’ve had to that was the eczema diet, a whopping three whole months before my emotional eater got the better of me and I fell off hard.
I often feel that I am cursed with an artistic soul and the motivation/drive of a sloth. How often have I bought watercolours and told myself I’m going to practice a little every day? How many diaries and notebooks have I bought, only for them to sit empty and gather dust? Never mind the amount of pens that comes with that (okay, so we may be delving into my love of stationery here, but you can’t deny the feeling of productivity you get when you have a fantastic pen and a beautiful notepad). How many times have I thought about, gone so far as to look up but never commit too, singing lessons? I love to sing. I think if I took lessons, I could sound pretty good. And yet it never goes further than that.
How many times have I tried dieting, whether different ones or even the eczema diet that I’m supposed to stick too? How many times have I made schedules and timetables and not stuck to it? How many times have I talked about getting my drivers license and not done anything about it, even now when it’s more crucial than ever?
I wouldn’t say I’m afraid of commitment. That term gets used with relationships more than every day projects and hobbies, or even lifestyles. I mean, I’m moving to a new city with Boyfie, and while we have lived together before, that was in a sharehouse. This will be our own little place. If I was afraid of commitment, I wouldn’t be taking that next step with him.
And I wouldn’t say it’s procrastination either. I’m not avoiding doing those hobbies or things. If anything, they should be the thing I procrastinate with. But I have my phone for that (Boyfie is convinced I have nomophobia. I beg to differ. Just because I have cool games and apps and he doesn’t).
So why is it that I can’t commit? Is it the fact that it can’t be done quickly, that things take time and dedication and that maybe I’m just not into that? Is it financial- “When I have the money, I’ll definitely do that”? Is it as simple as being too lazy? Having so much time in the world to do anything, that you do nothing? It’s too easy to say- “I”ll do it tomorrow.” And that is definitely where I fall down. Perhaps, though, it’s a combination with all of these.
Even with this blog, I want to make regular updates. I said to myself that Wednesday would be Blog Day. And yet it’s Thursday and here I am. Talk about commitment, amirite?
You know, I was almost going to finish this off without committing to anything. That would be fitting, talking about not committing to anything and then proving it. BUT. If I can make a post every Wednesday for the next, lets say 52 weeks, then I’ll know that at least this time, I did commit to a project. And while this probably won’t fix anything huge in my life… a small commitment like this just might be a step in the right direction.